i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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