He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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