That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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