Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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