Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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