dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
