Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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