Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
