Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
