I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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