i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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