why didn't you poke me back
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
