On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
