she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
please come you make the beer taste better
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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