I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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