I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
