If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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