I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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