this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize