You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
