It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
