We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
