Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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