I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize