My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
