allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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