im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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