dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
