we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize