GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Randomize
