Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
