hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
