I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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