Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
