The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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