I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
