...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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