:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
