What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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