Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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