Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
