I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this boner is exhausting
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
