Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
