Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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