were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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