He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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