I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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