peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
