I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize