Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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