How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
