let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
