bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
