he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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