He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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