EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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