Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
