I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
