We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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