Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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