having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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