This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
