i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
