i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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