Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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