Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
