I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
