So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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