Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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