I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
