so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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