Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
