The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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