She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
