why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize