his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
