he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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