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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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