We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
