Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
