guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
