yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
