ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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