worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can you repeat that, but with context?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
