You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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