I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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