She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
