I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
