Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What a dumb baby whore.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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