I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
