If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
