if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
