Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
