why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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