there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
