Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize