Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
