yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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