My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
